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Kinship Circles

Kinship Circles

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“I see a time of seven generations when all the colors of mankind will gather under the sacred Tree of Life and the whole Earth will become one circle again.” – Crazy Horse

I believe a new culture is longing to emerge from the chaos of western civilization, an old culture rooted in the natural order and guided by indigenous Kinship values of belonging, cooperation, and reciprocity.

I hear many people, from young to old, express that they are looking for their tribe. I hear the need for belonging, a place and people where they feel safe and seen. I hear the loneliness and confusion of those raised in a culture of separation, a culture worshipping at the altar of individualism and gods created in images from our collective trauma.

Kinship Circles exists within the context of this emerging culture – at the intersection of personal, relational, and social transformation. The new culture reflects an ancient memory of fireside council and a longing for an unmet need for connection and harmony in our current chaos of separation, competition, and consumption. Kinship Circles support the recovery of and progress towards a collective story rooted in connection, where all of creation has a voice at the table.

Kinship Circles are an integral part of a cultural shift in consciousness and social change… the movement toward reconnection with our place as humans in the natural order, the movement toward recovery and healing of personal and collective trauma, the movement toward sovereignty and responsibility, the movement toward belonging, cooperation, and reciprocity.

“It is probable that the next Buddha will not take the form of an individual. The next Buddha may take the form of a community, a community practicing understanding and loving kindness, a community practicing mindful living. This may be the most important thing we can do for the survival of the earth.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

The Wisdom of the Circle

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“All that we are is story. From the moment we are born to the time we continue on our spirit journey, we are involved in the creation of the story of our time here… What comes to matter then is the creation of the best possible story we can while we’re here; you, me, us, together. When we can do that and we take the time to share those stories with each other, we get bigger inside, we see each other, we recognize our kinship – we change the world, one story at a time…” Richard Wagamese

Kinship is an indigenous concept that places relatedness at the center of worldview. Kinship recognizes the connection of all, our place as a participant in reciprocal relationship with All of creation rather than a dominant force with an insatiable appetite for consumption.  

Kinship Circles provide the context to embody respectful and reciprocal relationship, a place of support, reflection, and exploration. In the Circle we move from head to heart as we learn to listen and speak, as we are seen and heard. We share primarily through story rather than concept. We take ownership of our voice by using I statements. We practice respect and responsibility in our agreements and confidentiality. We offer vulnerability and take accountability.

The Circle has been the essential structure of most indigenous cultures. The circle council has been the structure for a governance that listens to the collective voice. It continues to be foundational for personal growth and community building. The Circle provides the context for self discovery and collaborative efforts, providing a mirror and sounding board as we share our journey.

After decades of exploration in community building, I clearly recognize the personal and collective affect of our conditioning and the roots of dysfunction in western civilization. The result is a collective consciousness that is disconnected from the nature of our humanity and the earth that sustains us.

The clues I have to finding our way forward is in the language of the recovery movement. We need to recognize and embrace our personal and collective condition, let go of our attempts to control the uncontrollable, seek healing for our personal and collective trauma, make amends for our wrongs and find forgiveness for ourselves and others, and watch for the miracle of healing and transformation that returns us to the wholeness of our humanity and the wellbeing of all creation.

In Kinship Circles, we nurture an environment conducive to the growth of a culture capable of leavening the bread of the Kin-dom of Heaven.


Heart Awakening

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A Foundation for Kinship Circles

Heart Awakening provides a foundational Intention for nurturing a heart culture through Kinship Circles gathered for mutual support, embracing the values of Authenticity, Belonging, Purpose, and CoCreation.

Heart Awakening, as described by Tej Steiners in his book Waking Up – With Everyone Around Us., resinates with my experience over the past 35 years and, along with a “Heart Circle” process provides the environment for mutual support as we explore a deeper connection with ourselves and others through the Five Ways of Being Tej articulates.

The Five Ways of Being provide a framework and agreements to explore the values and reflections of A CoCreative Path in the context of a Kinship Circle.

  1. Being Clear
  2. Being Present
  3. Being Real
  4. Being Connected
  5. Being Heart Directed

The Heart Circle process encourages and supports personal Inquiry around the following questions: 

  • Am I Clear about my purpose, passion, gifts, values, intention…? Am I increasing in awareness about the filters, limiting beliefs, emotional blocks, etc. that hold me back?
  • Am I increasing in awareness and alignment with my heart, my feelings of peace, appreciation, compassion…? Is my connection to my self empowering me to be Present in the Now?
  • Am I Real with myself and others? Am I able to express my true feelings and needs?
  • Am I able to authentically Connect with others beyond the filters of my evaluation and judgment? Do I listen deeply and with empathy?
  • Is my life direction in alignment with the best expression of my true self and my evolving sense of purpose? Are my strengths and gifts engaged? Am I Heart Directed?

The structure of Heart Circles is integral to Kinship Circles, and includes the following elements:

  • Clear purpose and agreements for the circle
  • A centering process to bring heart connection and presence in the circle
  • Authentic sharing of what is alive, your joy and your pain
  • Deep listening and empathy for others in the circle
  • Individual attention to support the Journey of the Heart

Circle Culture

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“I salute the light within your eyes where the universe dwells – for when you are at that center within you and I am at that place within me, then we shall be as one.” Crazy Horse

Kinship Circles are built on clear intention and agreements. They include every voice and incorporate shared leadership.

The intention of Kinship Circles can be focused in a variety of ways to meet specific needs and interests, and designed to support the being, learning, and doing of our lives. The following are examples of circle focus:

Circle Intention

Starting with the purpose and mission of the circle, alignment of values and expectations are crucial for trust and intimacy. Clear agreements that everyone can affirm are vital to the success of the circle.

  • Men, Women, Couples / Elders
  • Intentional Community
  • Neighborhood / Workplace
  • Spirituality / Personal Growth
  • Healing / Recovery / Grieving
  • Exploring Vision / Mastermind
  • Transitions / Next Chapter
  • Social Change / Organizing
  • Collaborative Projects

As a foundation to conscious agreements, I think The Four Agreements described by don Miguel Ruiz provide a great place to build from. From my perspective, The Four Agreements should be a requirement for Life 101 and certainly a prerequisite for any collective endeavor. The Four Agreements provide the foundation to challenge the agreements of our social conditioning, and to establish new agreements for more conscious and connected relationships.

The Four Agreements

  1. Be impeccable with your word
  2. Don’t take anything personally 
  3. Don’t make assumptions
  4. Always do your best

Built on The Four Agreements, additional agreements can be developed specific to the intention and needs of the circle. Basic agreements include respect and honor, honest and compassionate communication, non-judgment and confidentiality. Foundational agreements for Kinship Circles are as follows.

Heart Circle – Agreements 

The following agreements are adapted from the Heart Circle process in Waking Up – With Everyone Around Us by Tej Steiner.

  • Being Clear Together:  we agree to the purpose of the circle and to support each other in that intention
  • Being Present Together:  we agree to be present and centered in our time together
  • Being Real Together:  we agree to speak our truth with respect and compassion, asking for what we need and offering what we can
  • Being Connected Together: we agree to listen deeply with curiosity and empathy, holding what we hear with respect and confidentiality
  • Being Heart-Directed Together:  We agree to support each other in finding and following what we want and need, giving advice only when asked for or with consent when offered

Way of Council – Intentions

The following four intentions are adapted from the Way of Council developed by the Ojai Foundation. 

  • Listen from the Heart: To listen with full presence, suspending judgment, opinions, and distractions. To witness the speaker’s truth with curiosity and compassion, holding stories with respect and confidentiality.
  • Speak from the Heart: To share your personal truth using “I” statements, sharing feelings and experiences authentically. To take responsibility to ask for what we need and want. To refrain from rescue and advice, trusting the guidance that comes from the circle.
  • Be of Lean Expression: To be concise and brief, focusing on the essence gf what we want to share. To respect time available, allowing space for others and sharing only what truly serves the moment, the circle, and the greater good.
  • Be Spontaneous: To speak what arises in the present moment, rather than rehearsing or planning, trusting that the right words will come to serve the circle and yourself.